What’s yet to happen?

I was raised with a church right in my back yard as a kid and with another just right across from that. I always had God on my side so to speak! I was raised by my Dad and his mother was very much a church lady as we seen it, but Grandmas always are. My parents divorced when I was young and I went through a typical raising hell kind of kid attitude. I quit school, joined the service, and basically on top of the world it seemed. I got messed up on drugs in the NAVY, granted an early discharge (General under Honorable) with bad reenlistment code. Some consider this a felony and when I was 14 I caught a felony for vandalism. And before I was 21 I figured, "I’m tough, I’ll make it," and ended right back living at home as a disappointment.

Living life you know! – I wasn’t popular – no girl friends, no education, my job sucked, I had no guidance, no clue what to do. I hated and hated the Navy and wasn’t even in it. I got frustrated with life and at the age of 22 side swiped another car going about 25 MPH after another carload of jerks gave me the bird. I intentionally lined the attack up to happen right in front of a church. (In 1984 I caused about $130.00 dollars worth damage to their car but no one was injured) But all in one big instant thought, this was my way of saying I hate life, myself, God, these people, I don’t care. This actually takes longer to write down than when it happened because the police station was about 60 seconds away. So bam, the police were there and I got arrested. May 1984 I’ll never forget it. The next thing you know I had a rooky court-appointed lawyer, saying this is a serious offence. "How serious," I said. He said, "You could do more than a year if you go to trial, only a year if you take a plea bargain." I thought,"Man, a whole year." I was thinking 60 days at the most, you know, to clear my head out. I could of lied and said I was adjusting the radio knob and they bumped into me. But for some dumb reason I always kind of incriminate myself. So I took the plea, thinking I’ll do the year. Next morning the Judge (oh no it’s that hanging Judge Mike Malone) says I stood in front him when I was 14 and on few misdemeanors. The judge says, "I sentence you to 2 – and not less than 10 years to Kansas Correctional facility. Do you have anything to say." I thought, "What," and shook my head. Escorted back to my cell, it never really hit me what I had gotten myself into till the sheriff escorted me in his car up to the institution and we arrived at the front.

The prison walls are huge, made of old stones with these 20foot X 10foot bars laced over the huge windows, razor wire everywhere, every thing locked down and secured. I thought, "dang dumb ass you hit the big time." Strange enough I got the desire to know Jesus now. I ended up serving 5 years on that small crime, charged with aggravated assault using a weapon. I served time, seen the parole board twice and went to work release and got sent back just because they didn’t think I was ready yet. Finally, the third time I made parole, away from my home town. By now my dad acquired A.L.S. just shy of retiring. He passed in 1990 while I was still on probation. By then I was granted the chance to relocate back in my home area, and started all over. I was almost 30 and life wasn’t any better than when I was 21. I still hated a lot things. I constantly tried to think how I could move on. I mean, it really bothered me, felony and all. Especially coming up in a dysfunctional style so to say. These were as well my church years. I attended a nice church, liked the people, still I just never really craved that family’s everything, simply because, that’s just more writing. But I like worshipping God and reading the word. It just rub me raw and still does, the way parents are, kids too, so I decided I just won’t have any kids, and still don’t. It’s kind of a yin and yang thing because there have been times I’d like to have been a father, and I think a better parent than my own, but I think it’s best that I just walk my own path. I remember one time my dad just out the blue said to me, "boy, why do carry around all that hatred." I just pretended I didn’t hear that, but I knew one thing, I didn’t want any more trouble.

It shook me up a little the passing of my dad. He was a good fellow. There was no inheritance and life still sucked. Life went on with or without me. I moved in with my mom and worked at a block plant. I was strong (pumped some iron back in the day) and kind of liked this job. Well, first thing first, I had to get discharged from parole, and was in 1991- to set the record straight this amounts to a couple of felonies, crappy work history, a low level education, and the military thing. But I paid my debt to society, and I love my freedom, thank you Jesus, and I still thank Jesus. The winter of 1995 I packed my old car and thought, "I am going to, maybe Vegas, I don’t have a clue, I just want go were there’s no snow." I had saved up a couple thousand bucks and went down Texas, across Texas, New Mexico, and into Arizona. I lived out of my car, constantly looking for ways to survive. I almost went into a homeless shelter, but it detoured me because the line was so long. I gave away my winter shirts. Time passed and I still couldn’t get job, even slept on the State Capital grounds one night. Had to stretch out every once in a while because the car was small and killing me.

I cruised around, slowly looking at this and that. No home address, really nothing and with a couple of strikes against me. My cash was running low and my spirit too, so I thought, "I want to go to the Grand Canyon." I hated the idea that I had to turn around and go clear back to Kansas. But at least I would get to see the Grand Canyon. I arrived at the Canyon in December of 1995 and it was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. I walked around with the blanket I had been using, looking at everything. It was the most beautiful place I had ever seen. So I thought, "I wonder if I can get job here." I tried the Bus barn, they said no. The wrangler area, they said no. I walked into the Maintenance shop and they asked, "Do you have good driver license?" I said, "yeah." At that time the assistant boss was from Kansas. They said, "you’re hired, starting at 5.50 hr and living in the dorms." I stayed there 7 years, and in that time my military discharge was granted an upgrade to Honorable, my felony record expunged, my work history full, my education was learned from life, still not so formal, but in the end had my own apartment and making 10.50 hr with good benefits. And these were my church years. In fact, I used to go over to the Boss (The Boss of Boss’s) house for bible study and pop corn. Mr. Bob Baker – from England – to the U.S. I can’t help but think if it would been anyone different and from the U.S. things might haven’t changed or gotten worse. Then one day I lost my temper. I had lost my temper before, but this day I threw a couple of punches, embarrassed myself, the other guy got fired and I still had a job but decided to quit. By now my grandmother, the church lady, had passed away. Life just moves forward, with or with out ya.

I think it was about spring of 2003 I left to go back to Kansas. I had to leave the Grand Canyon. I was heart broken, and have had a heck of a time getting over it. I mean I have cried like a baby. I loved the Canyon so much. I used to hate when people would say, "ahh it’s just big hole in the ground – lets go get drunk." Man, I tell ya, people are pigs. The summer of 2003 I moved back to my mom's house and started all over – I am always starting all over, and landed a job driving a city transit bus at $9.00/hr. Not a bad job, or good, just a job. My mom's home is a nice house, but she and I never clicked as well as dad and I. But she has helped me out a lot. She just scowls when she see’s a Christian. If someone comes to the door to witness, I mean of any denomination of the faith, it’s almost like seeing a demon scowl and hide. She just won’t go to the door and say, "no thank you." I even just B.S. with them about the day, she will turn and hide back in the bed room till they leave. She scowls at the T.V. ministry, but sometimes I can’t blame her because all they do is ask for money. I think the only one she likes is that Joel Olsten. So I pray for her quietly.

By the winter of 2004 I told her, "I'm going back to Arizona and start over." I figured I did it once, I can do it again. She’s been getting worn down from her self employment as a cleaning lady, and was kind of ticked a little at my dad for leaving me without any inheritance. So she said, "if you can find a place for us in Arizona, I’ll sell the house and we'll start over." I found a place on the internet that she could afford and she sold everything. I couldn’t believe it. She had a nice home, property, and had established a great reputation. Mom used to make $50.00 year plus sometime. I mean she worked her butt off, literally. She struggles these days just walking around a short distance. She paid high property tax I think 1,600 hundred every six months, she paid her own full coverage insurance, she bought new pickups and cars, and tips $5.00 and up, but she had the drive or God given strength to work for it. Neither I nor my sister has been able to keep up with that, but mom's priorities were her money first.

So July of 2004 we relocated to Yuma, AZ. We traded house for a 40 year old trailer that sets on 860 sq feet with couple nice big fica trees, $38,000 dollars and paid for out of the hard work of my mother. I and my mom have dumped another $10,000 and slicked the place up. Still I kind of miss our house with nice yard. So now I guess to set the record straight this amounts I miss my dad, I miss the Canyon, and I think it was maybe a mistake for my mom to sell her home for what we have know, simply because I am really no better off, in fact less off. Property taxes are cheaper, around $300 year, but the quality of life seems like we're in the hood sometimes. While living up at around 1998 at the Canyon I talked to N.G. recruiter about getting in the Guard, he’s the one who told me about getting an expungement, then come on back and see him. So it took almost another year and I was granted expungement in 1999 ( I can’t believe it and from Mr. Malone The hanging judge) I went with enthusiasm to reenlist at the ripe old age of 37 years old. And this recruiter actually told me I can’t reenlist because he knew I had a prior felony and it would be dishonest. I hate people that follow standards and are good at it. Then just because they have the authority, come up with their own set standard especially customized to fit the situation. I still see that dumb ass sitting there telling this. But what can ya do? So July of 2004 with temperatures of average of 111 we got moved and settled in. Things got remolded a little. Got ripped off a few times and tried once more to start all over and move forward.

In 2005 I got a phone call from a recruiter here in Yuma, says come down talk to me. I said I can’t get back in. I‘ve been rejected at least a dozen times before. He says at least just visit. I said ok, sure. He looks at all my paper work, and I still had to get like three waivers, one for my age, 43, one for my code 4 reenlistment from the Navy, and one for the expungement. This guy says I’ll get you in, you willing to go to Iraq, I said ya. Had lose about 20 pounds too, but I just wanted by know to prove that he can’t. So I say if you get that approved I take the oath. I retested, lost 20 pounds, barely passed the high blood pressure test but passed everything and got accepted for what is called try 1 program. Unbelievable! Since living in Yuma my church attendance has been zero, but I still pray quietly, mostly for just help. So I went into the guard and immediately got activated. I like it, but I keep thinking why now and not when I was at least 6 years younger.

Went to Fort Bliss, TX for work ups for Iraq. Here’s the kicker, a lot of the soldiers are former prison guards. I kept finding kind like a twist that they kept talking to like I am going to be prison guard. Still good fellows, but they just didn’t understand, but then again maybe I didn’t. Any way, we did the soldiering all together to get validated for Iraq. We all got validated and a week prior to getting shipped out, I went to the doctor and they found bone spurs pressing on my spinal nerve in my neck area. They pulled me from going and operated. It took me about 6 months to recover and then they found me fit for duty. By now I didn’t feel really all that pumped up about going. Most of the soldiers said we shouldn’t be there any way. So my unit gave me the choice whether to go or not.

My one year commitment was about up although they had me indefinitely in their system till like the year 2037. Military, I swearm they can make mistake but you can’t. So I choose to just finish out my time and call it good. I now have full blown Honorable Discharge with excellent reenlistment code and all sorts of medals and stuff. But you know, I am not going to be a prison guard. And just a month ago I had to get my right shoulder operated on. I am going to quit my job cause I can’t physically keep up, and go back to driving which has less benefits, less money, but easier on my body. I am still single, help my mom out, and at my expense she’s lost a lot, and everything that I gained back, I don’t know why it was worth it. I make less now than when I worked at the Canyon. Every job I applied for in the past 5 years, I had a background check. But they don’t pay nothing or really mean that much to me. It’s almost as though I really can’t quite take it all in, but it is what it is. I still yearn to just live a little, this life makes me feel grounded, you know.

There’s always something without causing any trouble, and if I cause trouble you get notice it seems. Is my life turned around? Yeah, I guess so, but I sure seem to struggle with it. The opportunity shows up when I didn’t have it, my health is questionable, I worry, I can’t afford any more financially to do anything. I know God doesn’t have anything to do with this but at times I do blame him. Still I paid my debt to society, and I love my freedom, and I thank God, and I still thank Jesus. What’s yet to happen I don’t know?

God Bless.

Respectfully,
Frank Westgate