Childhood is a unique and irreplacable time in a person's life. Subtle attitudes and opinions are formed that usually remain for a lifetime. God's ideal for parenting is a wise blend of protection and Godly training that nourish a young person into becoming a healthy, productive adult. JM was not so nourished.

JM's real father died when she was two. Though active in the Methodist church, JM's mother was not saved. Sometime after the death of JM's father, JM's mother ran off to Florida with a married man, taking JM and a brother with them and leaving another brother behind in Baltimore. While in Florida, the relationship between JM's mother and the man broke up and JM's brother returned to the Baltimore area to live with an aunt. This left JM and her mother alone and on their own. They decided to return to the Baltimore area also and be near JM's mother's family.

Back in Baltimore, JM's mother met and married JM's stepfather when JM was about eight. JM was happy that at least she could be part of a real family. It looked like things were starting to look up for this skinny little girl.

The affection of a father has meaning for a young girl that is uniquely valuable. A father's hug seems to provide a security and strength beyond what a mother can give. His stronger and larger hands seem like they can tackle any problem the world might deliver his precious young daughter. JM's stepfather (DH) was a large Italian man about six feet tall and over two hundred pounds. He was immediately affectionate with JM which really delighted her. Gradually, however, the cuddles became sexual in nature and finally developed into full scale sexual abuse. Heightening the horror even more, DH would then attempt to discourage her from sharing his evil behavior by strangling JM until she passed out. A horrible four or five year nightmare ensued. Although JM was young, she realized something was not right about these sessions, but she just didn't know how to get out of it. At one point, JM did confide in a relative who talked of having JM come live with their family, but the plan never materialized. Were they afraid of DH? JM never found out why they let her down.

Eventually, JM's grandmother became ill and mercifully for JM, she was sent to live with and care for her grandmother. JM would return home for visits, but only when her mother was home, if possible. In the times DH was also at home, JM began to stand up to her stepfather, but DH simply characterized JM as being a rebellious young girl. One day when DH was home he tried to get JM to go upstairs with him. A sruggle followed and JM ran to the basement where she was trapped. JM then kicked DH hard in the groin and fled home to her grandmother's. DH never bothered JM again.

JM, however, was concerned that DH might be molesting JM's half-sister (DH's own daughter) who lived with DH and was younger than JM. When confronted, DH denied the whole affair and suggested that JM was crazy.

Thankfully, when JM was seventeen years old, she accepted Christ as her savior and the journey of her healing began. It did not start perfectly, mind you. When someone (who only knew JM had been kicked out of her home) exhorted JM to forgive her stepfather, JM replied that if DH were to go to heaven, JM would want to be in hell!

But our God is a patient God. One night at a New Exodus Bible study on the book of Matthew, all the memories and feelings came back to JM at once. She started counseling with the pastor and progressed rapidly. At another New Exodus meeting, the topic of forgiveness was discussed and JM knew then that she had to forgive DH. She not only knew it, she did it. Now, JM says, if she is next to DH in heaven, that's okay with her. One day JM told DH that she forgave him, but he just turned his head away. JM said she would be willing to talk with DH about it at any time.

JM says the key to her healing was being willing to surrender the hurt, anger, rage, and desire for revenge to God.

The test and proof of JM's forgiveness of DH came along soon. DH became ill with diabetes and JM moved back home again to help her mother care for him. After six months, it became clear he needed to go to a nursing home. DH went in bitter protest. He was so upset that he would that he would cuss at people when they came to see him, but then turn around and call them at two or three in the morning to complain about how he was being treated. Nevertheless, JM looked out for him and his interests. The Lord had given JM insight that DH was fearful because he knew he was manipulative and difficult to love, so JM told her stepfather that she would come visit him whether the nurses were mean or nice to him. One day, DH fell down and was badly bruised. JM was concerned that someone may have hurt DH, but DH told JM the truth about his fall, that the nurses were not responsible for his bruises.

JM wanted her stepfather to have the same grace and forgiveness the Lord had given her.

One day, the nurses informed JM and her family that DH was going to die soon. As it turned out, JM's mother's mother was actually at the point of death on the same day as DH was, so JM agreed to sit with DH as he lay dying. JM encouraged her stepfather to talk to the Lord and ask for His forgiveness. A tear came out of DH's eye. Perhaps DH was feeling sorry, JM didn't know.

Will God forgive those who are sexually abusive? JM believes if God can forgive her own sins, he can also forgive those of the abuser. Does JM believe sexual abusers should be allowed to go free? No, she believes they should be locked up, but encourages others who have experienced sexual abuse that it is unhealthy to keep unforgiveness in your heart. It doesn't leave room for good things in your life or anyone else's life. It cripples you from moving on with your walk with the Lord. If the Lord forgives us, why shouldn't we forgive others as well.

John 8:36 "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."