I was brought up in the church. As a child, I remember Christmas and Easter were of special importance. My grandfather told me I should never forget Matthew 10: 32-33 "Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before my Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, him I will also deny before my Father who is in heaven." My Grandfather also gave me a card which states, "Only one life 'twill soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last." I would characterize my early years as having a head knowledge about God, although God was planting some seeds in my life that would later develop.

During my teen years I became involved in various sins. I got involved in some homosexual encounters, and this became a besetting sin for many years. I knew it was wrong, but did not want to give it up. During this time of my life, I was basically living for myself, and stole, lied, etc.

I had no clear direction about where to go for college. The first school I attended was a military college. I was very unhappy there, but was introduced to the Navigators Ministry. I transferred to another college. I continued my homosexual involvement, and was very unhappy. I tried to take my life. My friends took me to the hospital, and I was unconscious for a while. The doctor thought I had encephalitis, and I did not want anyone to know of my suicide attempt. When I returned to college, I saw the chapel prayer book, and saw that many people were praying for me.

In 1981, the Billy Graham Crusade came to Baltimore. We attended several nights. One night my brother wanted to go forward. My mother asked me to go with him. When I went down, I said I was rededicating my life to Christ, although truthfully I had not previously dedicated my life to following Jesus.

At this time in my life I began to have a hunger to know more about the Bible. A friend invited me to a meeting at the Lamb of God Community. There I was given a copy of "The Cross and the Switchblade." It was a book that I could not put down. I did not know that God could speak so plainly to a person to make His will known.

After several years I began to slowly drift from the Lord. I continued to go to church, but hobbies and other things started to take center stage in my life. I returned to a homosexual relationship, and also became addicted to pornography. I took a trip and contacted a male prostitute.

I knew I was living a double lifestyle and was too proud to tell anyone of my sin. I was also ashamed of my sin, and was afraid of the reaction of people in church. I became somewhat desperate because I wondered if I had contacted AIDS.

I was attending a Bible Study on the book of Hebrews. I saw more of the gravity of sin, and it was clear that God wanted me to repent of sin in my life.

It was at this time I started attending New Exodus Fellowship. One Sunday I was thinking about the passage in Hebrews which talks about God disciplining His children(Hebrews 12: 5-8). I prayed that I felt I had not been disciplined for my homosexual sin. I asked God if He considered me a reprobate or if I was still His child. In that service, Pastor Davis had a Word of Knowledge about someone who was recently involved in sexual sin, and the Lord wants that person to repent. I knew He was speaking to me.

Several months later I was invited to a Bible Study at church. The lesson was on Psalm 19 and Romans 1. I knew God was speaking to me again. Psalm 19:13 talks about the sin of presumption. I had been presumptuous about God's grace in thinking He would forgive me as long as I confess the sin without forsaking the sin. Romans 1 addresses homosexuality.

I went to Pastor Davis reluctantly to tell him about my sin. I was not sure how he would react, but he was very supportive without justifying my sin. He wanted to see me free of this sin, and directed me to seek the Lord, and prayed Matthew 5:6 for me.

Now I have not much of a struggle with this sin, although I still can remember my past involvement. I have a deeper appreciation of what Jesus did on the cross for me. I think God even allowed me to see my need of Him and others through my struggle with this sin. I am so thankful that God has been so longsuffering towards me.

I am expectant to see what God wants to do with my life now. I know only He can satisfy my deepest needs. I am grateful that God led me to New Exodus Fellowship, and how so many people have helped me, and shown me love.