It has been a year and a half since I have been baptized and I have been struggling with my prayer and devotion time. I was really concerned about how I felt far from God; not being able to feel or to hear Him. I started reading about how to get closer to Him and God laid it on my heart to fast. I began on a bad note, I immediately started with no food; a complete disaster and I did not last a full day. God stepped in and led me in the direction that He wanted me to go. I fasted for 21 days basically drinking water, eating vegetables and whole wheat. My goal was to get closer to God.

I struggled so much. I couldn’t pray, I felt even farther from God than when I started and everything conceivable to discourage me started to happen. I was determined to hold on and with that determination I realized that God had prepared me for all that was to happen because He had led me to read about fasting on what to expect and really how to handle certain things. Also He had put people in my life to share with me and to encourage me.

The struggle continued and I just kept crying out to God telling Him how much I needed Him and how grateful I was. In all that, I still felt as if I was far from Him, like He was not hearing my prayers and I began to sink into depression having feelings of despair and bad news was now the order of my day. I felt as if I was sinking in the deepest blue sea! One night I sat in the sofa and I was just reading the Bible, saying in my heart, “Lord give me something to encourage me because you know just how I feel." He led me to Psalms 143, as I read it I cried because it expressed exactly how I felt and He told me to hold on to that prayer.

I had not gone to church for two Sundays because I was so caught up trying to get caught up with my studies and my job and I was so down. I had decided that I was not going to miss church another Sunday because that is not what I had promised God. Sure enough I got up early, but everything got in my way to prevent me, but I got there. That Sunday, day 20 of my fast, I heard God clearer than I even expected. It began with the sermon, then Sunday school; God was speaking to my heart to just let go of everything and trust in Him with all my heart. To just stand still and know that He is God and that He is working everything out for my good through His divine plan for my life. Just as I got in the car and started it a song started playing bearing the same message, I had to stop and praise Him, letting Him know that I hear Him loud and clear. I cried tears of joy going home!

Since that experience I have had this inner peace and joy that feels so good. Things are still not going my way, but I am able to think positively because I know that what God has for me it is for me and I just need to be patient. I wake each day anticipating God’s word on what to do and to see things reveal themselves. I also realized that because I was expecting God to talk to me in some ‘spectacular’ way I was missing the fact that He had been there all this time. It really helped me to understand God; what He has promised and what he expects from us. I do feel closer to God today!