At the beginning of the year 2000, I was doing the course work for an intensive Bible school, commuting 60 miles one way to work, taking care of a single family home, and doing ministry. I was busy for God, but I was neglecting my relationship with God. In addition to that, I had been looking for a job for quite a while. I was upset over the fact that I could not find a new job. Again and again, I was rejected for employment. This had me depressed and feeling sorry for myself. When that happened, I began to concentrate on my arm and the fact that it had not yet healed of the tennis elbow I have had since December 1998. In March 2000, I decided to get a cortisone injection in my arm. I had a unusual reaction to the injection, and it set me into a severe depression. I later found out that cortisone injections can cause psychological reactions. After I had the cortisone, I began to spiral downward gradually. On numerous occasions, God offered up a healing for me; He wanted to get me out of the depression. But just like the Isrealites, I had trouble taking the land. I could not accept the land of milk and honey that God had for me. I finally came to the point where I was suicidal. If I did not know that suicide meant spending eternity separated from God, I would have tried to kill myself. It was the prayers of the saints that kept me alive during this time. At the end of June 2000, my boss asked me to take some time off work in order to recover from the depression. I enjoyed that time off because I was able to attend numerous revival and prayer meetings. It was so nice not to have to drive 60 miles to a job that I did not like. While I was on leave, I received a call about a job I had interviewed for back in April. I was excited about the possibility of getting a new job. However, I was scared to go for it because of the depression. After all, I could barely do the job I knew really well, let alone something new. A prophet told me that I should try for it because that would tear down Satan’s strongholds. I went for the job, and received an offer. It was this offer that God used as a triggering device to pull me out of the depths of depression. I believe God, the new job, the time off work, and the medication were all factors in putting an end to this four months of a “living hell.”

Here is what I learned through all this.

1.) Let God be God. Don’t try to inhibit God or thwart the blessing that He has for us.

2.) God loves us so much. He says in His word that He will never leave us nor forsake us. I kept thinking that God was mad at me, but He never was. God’s love and His mercy endure forever. There is nothing we can do that would take away His love for us. He longs to greet us with open arms. Lam 3:22-23 says, “It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”

3.) Recognize that in this life there are hurdles in our race toward the finish line. Unbelief is one hurdle that threw me down. Don’t let that happen to you. God knows the situation and He is in control of it. Pascal said, “There is enough light for those who want to see, and there also is enough obscurity for those who have a contrary disposition.”

4.) Stay in the word. Recognize that reading your Bible is a spiritual battle and Satan loves to see us not open up the word.

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU STAY IN THE WORD

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If you are currently going through a depression, rest assured that YOU WILL ONE DAY COME OUT IT. One of the best things you can do now is to stay in contact with your friends. Don’t isolate yourself. You may find that there are certain friends who are unable to deal with your illness and feel they don’t want to have a lot of contact with you during this time. Just know that is OK. However, more importantly, there will also be a good number of friends who want to see you through the depression. Let them help you. Once I came out of my depression, I contacted my friends that I had not talked to in a while, and they ALL desired to have a relationship with me again.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO TAKE YOUR MEDICINE! I kept thinking that it was a spiritual battle, and that God and God alone would help me out of this. I now realize that yes, it is a spiritual battle; however, sometimes there is a chemical imbalance which needs to be corrected with medicine. Can God heal you without the medicine? Absolutely. However, until He chooses to do that, go ahead and take your medicine.

As time went on, I began to work on hearing the voice of God, and learning how to speak forth prophecies all over again. (Prophecy was very strong gift that the Lord had given me prior to my depression). The only way I began to develop the gift again was to start over, just like I did when I learned how to prophesy many years ago. I began to practice singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to myself and then listening for God’s voice. I now have the gift back and am using it. Once you come out of your depression, if you have a spiritual gift which you have not used in a while, just remember how you developed the gift when you first received it, and ask God for His guidance. He’ll show you. You have to be hungry for it.

I did not have much joy at all when I came out of my depression. My life existed; however, I was not truly happy. I began to search the Bible, and I started studying scriptures on joy. After doing this for a few weeks, with no explanation, I began to have this incredible joy. All of sudden, I was filled to overflowing with joy. God had restored my happiness! I now felt that even if a difficult trial came up, I could still “count it all joy” (James 1:2).

As my pastor saw this joy in me, he began to notice my growth as a Christian. In May 2001, he asked me to lead a Bible study near my home. I was a little scared, but honored to accept the challenge. I felt that this was something that the Lord wanted me to do. I am now giving pastoral care to a small group of believers in my church, and I LOVE it!!

When I sit and reflect on the whole situation, I can’t help but sit in awe and wonder of what God has done for me. He brought me out of the pit of hell into a leadership position in the church in less than one year. My verse for the year 2000 was the following:

Psalm 40:1-3 -- I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.

If you are in a depression right now, don’t believe for a moment that you will never get better. That is a lie that Satan wants you to believe. Focus on the Lord and relationships with your friends. At the appointed time, God will bring you out of the depression. Once that happens, you should, “Forget what is behind and strain toward what is ahead, pressing on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called (you) heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Phil 3:13b-14). Don’t dwell on the past and what you have just experienced. Instead, thank God for what He has done in your life, focus on the present, and bettering the future. Your relationship with the Lord should be your number one priority. He has wonderful blessings in store for you.

I hope this helps and encourages you in your battle against depression.